Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “To live is to suffer; to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.” This is profoundly true. Each day, we suffer in predictable and unpredictable ways. Sometimes, we see it coming from a mile away. Other times, it catches us when we least expect it. I have noticed that human beings prefer to face greater pain that is predictable rather than risk the chance of a slightly less unpleasant experience they cannot anticipate. The desire for control over our lives often leaves us captive to predictable, negative experiences.
Growing up, I experienced suffering in the form of severe OCD, anxiety, and, at times, episodes of depression. My case is not unique—millions of Americans struggle with these mental health conditions each year. According to a Gallup poll, the percentage of U.S. adults experiencing ongoing depression rose from 10% in 2015 to 18% in 2023. Authors like Jonathan Haidt have also documented the dramatic increase in teen anxiety, which has been amplified by phone usage and social media addiction.
Logically, we know that our lives are unlikely to be outliers. Yet our personal struggles still feel uniquely painful. They appear hand-selected, much like a social media feed manipulated by algorithms to draw our attention away from ordinary life and keep us addicted.
Our personal tribulations become so familiar that we begin to feel comfortable with them. They become part of our identity, and we have little motivation to rid ourselves of them. This reminds me of a lyric from the popular song Somebody That I Used to Know: “You can be addicted to a certain kind of sadness.” We become attached to our insecurities, vulnerabilities, and anxieties because our bodies are programmed to survive by detecting threats. If you never venture out of the cave, you never have to confront the unknown. Yet this is exactly what keeps us lonely, isolated, and stuck. Rather than transforming our suffering, we embed it into our identity and retreat inward.
Speaking from personal experience, my anxieties shift and change over time. Like a virus, they mutate to detect my greatest vulnerability and then seek to exploit it. This is unsurprising, since our lives are not stagnant. Once you overcome one fear, another often replaces it. Living this way can be exhausting, and the cycle of struggle can consume your life if you do not intervene and confront it. So how do we cope with persistent insecurity?
I have some thoughts on this. As a disclaimer, these strategies work for my own psychology, but I believe they are applicable to a wide range of people who struggle with similar mental health challenges.
Growing up, I was frequently told by counselors that I needed to actively fight my negative thoughts. Sometimes this strategy worked, but more often, the feelings would return. The approach focused on immediate relief rather than a long-term philosophy or framework. Eventually, I adopted a new mantra: My suffering is sacred and purposeful.
There is a reason so many religious and philosophical traditions embrace this view of pain and struggle. In the Christian tradition, Jesus tells his followers to “pick up their cross and follow him.” The Stoics similarly believed that suffering is an inevitable part of life and should not be avoided. Suffering will find you no matter where you go, and if you want to maintain any agency over it, you must face it head-on.
As mentioned earlier, our struggles are inherently personal. The lessons we learn from them take time and are rarely obvious in the short term. Time is the tool that provides the clearest insight, but patience is required. There were many moments in my own life when I wanted to rush this process and uncover meaning immediately. Yet the answers never arrived on my timeline; often, it took years to fully understand how a moment of pain shaped me. If we want to live happier lives, we must be willing to embrace this process.
Life is long for most of us. If you think suffering will not find you, just wait—it will. The good news is that none of us have to let it dominate our lives. As the Stoic Epictetus wrote, “Suffering arises from trying to control what is uncontrollable, or from neglecting what is within our power.” Stop trying to control it. Embrace it.